Thoughts

I realize now that the most difficult thing about quitting smoking is not actually quitting smoking. The physical reaction is not what I miss the most. I miss the little ritual that I have created over the years. I miss thinking about a song I'd like to listen to, the kind of song which makes you feel "infinite", to quote little Charlie, putting that song on, opening the window and finally inhaling on my cigarette while deep in thought. I know the cigarette was just a prop, but it still did its job of allowing me to pause and relax for a moment. I remember Charlotte saying that when she quit smoking she felt weird because she all of a sudden had a lot of time on her hands and she didn't know what to do with it. It's true smoking was not only an activity, but a true lifestyle for me. And that's the most difficult part to give up on actually.